If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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