I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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