wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize