tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
