dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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