That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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