She's JV to your varsity
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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