tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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