I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
