my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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