No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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