I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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