Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
