Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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