Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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