i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
