I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
