Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When are your genitals available?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
