I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
