Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
