yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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