He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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