mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
