i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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