Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
