im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
