i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
