This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
