I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
