I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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