At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
