So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
