I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
