i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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