I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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