Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
