help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
