if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction