no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE