It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.