The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
