I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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