Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
