it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
