so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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