She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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