just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
