i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
