remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
