I looked at my own cervix.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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