If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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