i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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