I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
