I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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