we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
