We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.