She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.