you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME