This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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