if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
