All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
