That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
