i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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