Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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