Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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