she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
