Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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