I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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