Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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