Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
